Freitag, 24. April 2015

Fuck this day

Sometimes I feel I've had  it with this roller coaster mood swings...today I feel my loneliness in an extreme way. I am crying all the time and reading about other people's close  friendships, marriages, families - I feel happy for them and very envious and sad at the same time. I can't stop the carousel of my thoughts and my mantra of "why must I be so alone? what have I done to deserve this?" is going round and round like a prayer wheel. 

Yesterday at a medical appointment I didn't see my regular doc but his practice partner who is very kind.  When I told her about my recents bouts of depression she asked (for the nth time) if I was living alone. And if I didn't agree I would be better off with a partner. DANG! I remained calm and polite but later I wished I had said "OK, please prescribe me one, you stupid cow."

Why, on top of everything, do we with MI have to listen to that kind of stuff from  people who are considered better than the average ignorant?

Today is NOT a day of light and joy but of tears and regret.