Sonntag, 26. April 2015

Date from Outer Space

So - I am back on the market, as they say. I had a date. With a guy who I have known for years from saying hello and exchanging some smalltalk  when we met on the subway or somewhere round my neighborhood.

The experience is a wonderful reminder for me to rely on my gut feeling and not waste precious time with stuff or people who are not really worth it. Then again I am much too curious for my own good sometimes. I am like a child - when a new toy turns up I want to play with it and find out if it has any potential.


And I confess: I was also a little flattered. After all, he is a rather attractive guy with a decent job and a good style - or so I thought.

So on a sunny afternoon last week we met to have a walk and a coffee. 


On the way to the café he said: "So what was the problem?"
"Problem? Which problem are you talking about?"
"Well, we exchanged numbers and you didn't call."
"You expected me to call you? It is you who wanted to get together, or is it? And I have been very busy with other things."
"So you did not think of me?"
How do you answer that politely without lying? So I didn't.

We sat down and ordered and he told me that he was happy I had finally agreed to meet with him. In silence I wondered about the "finally".

"I have been asking you forever - even that long time ago when we used to run into each other at the clubs and pubs."

I couldn't come up with one single scene like that. And I do remember details of my clubbing days. For my  sins. 


I concluded that, in his desperation he had finally married another woman and had two little daughters with her. Because that much I knew about him. Of course, I didn't mention it. I remained curious and in a rather mellow mood.

He interviewed me about my life as if I was applying for a job - or the position of his next wife. As soon as he found out I speak French we were conversing in his mother tongue which I rather enjoyed. Until he pronoucnced his findings on German women. Did I mention that he is of Arab background? I didn't want to play this a part but - as it turned out - I couldn't do anything to avoid it. 

Suddenly I found myself in a heated discussion of the question if German women were too arrogant, difficult, feminist, or what have you, to even want a man in their life. Seconds later we were on the matter of the Israeli-Palestine conflict. At that point I suggested we should stop this conversation. It wasn't getting anywhere, and neither were we. 

So while I was thinking of a good way to apologize myself he went back to his interrogation.

Not thirty minutes ago he had told me how interesting and fascinating he found me and that he wanted to know EVERYTHING about me - that old and rather tired song.

So I run my own little test. I tell him about my writing and that exiting things are happening for me just now. Need I mention that he can't think of one question to ask? Instead he says: "Oh yes, I know - writing job applications." He offers asking if his company - a big airline - is hiring flight attendants - that would be a good job for me because I am so charming and beautiful.

I laughed out loud - bewildered and desparate in equal measures. And you simply don't laugh at a suggestion from a man like him. He also doesn't seem to have a sense of humor. Or, to be fair, not my kind. 


As I was saying I needed to leave now, he took out his smartphone and typed away. Never once looking at me again. Possibly setting up the next interview. 

The icing on the cake? He had me pay for my own latte macchiato.

I was chuckling all the way home.